Praying for the One

Today in Fast & Testimony meeting a woman got up and pleaded with her ward family to pray for her daughter who had fallen away from the church.  It reminded me of when I had bore my testimony in May in our ward.  The first thing Paul said when I returned to my feet was that I should have asked the ward to fast and pray for Jackson to help him with his decision to go on a mission.  In hind site, it may have been a good idea and on the other hand, it may have humiliated him, but either way, he decided no to serve a mission, at least for this year. Any who, that is besides the point that I am trying to get at.  The point I am trying to make is that good Christian's who believe in the power of prayer and sometimes even those that do not, are in some way or another praying for someone who is lost.  In my life it is more than one.

Dear Heavenly Father,
or as Judy Blume put it,
"Are you there God, it's me (Mikki)",
I know I pray for this and I always pray for that, but I really need to pray about a few things, for a few important people in my life.
The more I do to get closer to you, the more Paul get's worked by Satan.  The more he get's worked, the more conflict there is between us.  The more I pray for patience, the more my patient is tried.  I get it, this is how it works. This is how faith and obedience is tested. But I am not confident that it is working.  I feel resentment towards Paul, I feel disappointed in who he is, and who I am when I react to him and on and on and on the vicious cycle goes.
It is the same with my children, the more I push it seems the farther they pull away from me, from you, from our family.  My boys have no sense of duty to you or each other, and I take the blame for that.  They have been raised with mixed signals, not only from Paul, but me.  The world is pulling all of us, very successfully.
When I started this letter, it was about them, but I know it is really about me.
I need strength, I need enlightenment, guidance, patience, understanding, tolerance, guts, and I need to be more humble, balanced, moderate, and loving.
I need you.
I want my husband to know you, I want my children to choose to follow you, and I want us to be an eternal family.
I want the entire package.
I know you are there.
I know you hear my prayers.
And I know you want it more than me.
I am praying for me, so that I can better pray for them.
So I can better live this gospel, for them, and for me, and for us!

xo mp