Praying for the One

Today in Fast & Testimony meeting a woman got up and pleaded with her ward family to pray for her daughter who had fallen away from the church.  It reminded me of when I had bore my testimony in May in our ward.  The first thing Paul said when I returned to my feet was that I should have asked the ward to fast and pray for Jackson to help him with his decision to go on a mission.  In hind site, it may have been a good idea and on the other hand, it may have humiliated him, but either way, he decided no to serve a mission, at least for this year. Any who, that is besides the point that I am trying to get at.  The point I am trying to make is that good Christian's who believe in the power of prayer and sometimes even those that do not, are in some way or another praying for someone who is lost.  In my life it is more than one.

Dear Heavenly Father,
or as Judy Blume put it,
"Are you there God, it's me (Mikki)",
I know I pray for this and I always pray for that, but I really need to pray about a few things, for a few important people in my life.
The more I do to get closer to you, the more Paul get's worked by Satan.  The more he get's worked, the more conflict there is between us.  The more I pray for patience, the more my patient is tried.  I get it, this is how it works. This is how faith and obedience is tested. But I am not confident that it is working.  I feel resentment towards Paul, I feel disappointed in who he is, and who I am when I react to him and on and on and on the vicious cycle goes.
It is the same with my children, the more I push it seems the farther they pull away from me, from you, from our family.  My boys have no sense of duty to you or each other, and I take the blame for that.  They have been raised with mixed signals, not only from Paul, but me.  The world is pulling all of us, very successfully.
When I started this letter, it was about them, but I know it is really about me.
I need strength, I need enlightenment, guidance, patience, understanding, tolerance, guts, and I need to be more humble, balanced, moderate, and loving.
I need you.
I want my husband to know you, I want my children to choose to follow you, and I want us to be an eternal family.
I want the entire package.
I know you are there.
I know you hear my prayers.
And I know you want it more than me.
I am praying for me, so that I can better pray for them.
So I can better live this gospel, for them, and for me, and for us!

xo mp

Get To Work!

We had our annual Kane Ohana Reunion this past weekend.  It was at our home in Sandy, Utah.  We gathered to celebrate our three high school graduates, Kavika Ikuna Fonua, Jackson Paulo Barton & Mikayla Kane and also to witness the baptism of Keawe Shannon Alexis Wilson.  As I tried to go to sleep tonight, my thoughts reflected on the words I had bore in fast & testimony meeting.

Dear Keawe,

     I have the number 3 on the back of my reunion shirt, indicating my place out of the seven children born to your grandpa & grandma Kane.    How grateful I am to have been born to goodly parents into the fold of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I have been taught all my life that I am a "Child of God" and to "Choose the Right" and that "Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam" that needs to shine for Him each and every day.  Sadly, I do not remember much from my baptism, about how I felt or even if I understood the promises that I was making.  But, you sweet Keawe know, and testified today how you feel "peace in your soul" about what you chose to do.  I feel that you are one of the special spirits that have come to fulfill a great purpose for your Heavenly Father. 

     You are number 18 cousin on your reunion shirt.  Do you wonder what number you are out of the billion, trillion, or gazillion number of spirits that have come to this earth?  Like my baptism experience, we do not remember the promises we made before we came to earth, but I do know that we made them and we are blessed to be members of an organization that teaches us how to pray, to read God's word in scripture, to follow the advice of a living prophet, to listen and obey the promptings of the Holy Ghost so that we can know the work that our Heavenly Father and Jesus has for us to do every day.  If you stay faithful to your covenants, you will hopefully take the next step and go to the temple and make more promises.  Then you will be able to hear the words in the initiatory that remind you that you will protected until you have finished your work on the earth.  That is why we are here, to do His work.  

     Thank you for choosing to follow Jesus.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to reflect upon my testimony and of spiritual things.  It is a blessing that we are part of an eternal ohana. We both have a work to do with our own little earthly flock. But remember, there is one fold and one shepherd Keawe, welcome to the family.  

     Let's Get to Work!

xomp

     

     

Behold, the Handmaiden of the Lord

New Year's Day 2014
What a big day a far as days go in the year, and for me, it was made more special by Jacky's Ordination of receiving the Melchizedek Priesthood from my dad.  A good way to start out the year before he goes off to college, a Utah Man, with the higher Priesthood to go with him, along with words of advice from our good Bishop Pingree reminding us to notice the spiritual moments in our life and to remember that we chose in the premortal to follow Christ, and also from the Stake representative, Bro St Clair pointing out that it is through the spirit that sacred things are shared and finally, from Grandpa Kane the emotion filled declaration of gratitude for family. The cherry on top was a visit from Elder Harris and newly appointed companion Elder Abgee, leaving us with a message from Enos about feeling whole through our faith in Jesus Christ.
My cup runneth over!

Paul, Jackson, Cody, Dani and Lander,

I am reading a book called Visions of Glory by John Pontious.  It is about a man's true story of visions and near death experiences and what he has learned.  I love the little nuggets that touch my heart and speak to my spirit and I want to share a few with you at the beginning of this New Year.
First, let me start with what has been on my heart since the 2013 Christmas season began.  I love that Mary, faithfully and humbly said to the angel Gabriel, "Behold the Handmaiden of the Lord." In that moment, she was probably scared and confused, yet because she was prepared and believed, she was ready to do her duty to God.  (Paul, I know you love that word DUTY.)
Like the "Spencer" in the book, she agreed to do the work that the Lord asked her to do that was for all mankind, for you, for me in that very moment that she was asked.  "God really does count every moment of our lives, and if we let Him guide us, those moments become eternally significant." pg 16.  The moment she said "Behold," it became the most significant moment of all time!
Are you ready, and willing to say those same words and then actually follow through in those moments that the Lord needs your voice and your hands to do His work?  Am I?
I want to be more in tune with the spirit, because I am pretty sure that an angel will not visit me and tell me what to do.  I need to listen to those promptings and thoughts, and take the challenge that Bishop Pingree gave me in December to act on them, even if they seem silly.
I know that my life has meaning, that God is in the details of my life and that everything I do has a divine purpose.  And because I know that, I need to be more diligent in paying attention to those moments when God is in need of me to do his work, however small it may be.
I am grateful for the work that he has trusted me to do with all of you.
I pray that you can all know, deep in your heart, what I know to be true, real and wonderful!
My wonderful family.
You are all my DUTY!
I love you all!
xomp

"...we are truly His work and His glory.  We are what He is doing.  We are what He is about." pg 18 VofG

The Gift of Aaron Alford: "G.O.A.T."

We lost a good friend last week, Aaron Kent Alford.  A week ago, a blood clot moved from his leg to his lung and took his life. He was 39 years old, leaving behind Linda, Eli (14), and Max and Sam (9).  Most of the week I was mad, thinking about how Linda and her boys' lives will be forever changed and now a new life will have to begin without him.  After the memorial, I realized that the change, although difficult and terrible for a time, also has a silver lining.  Aaron left behind a desire to be better, to be more like Christ, to live with the attitude that every moment in your life is the "Greatest Of All Times" G.O.A.T.  His final words to his church youth group, "whatever choices you make, ask yourself, what would Jesus have me do."  He has finished his work on the earth. It hurts. I am continually sad for his family, but there is joy in knowing that we knew him, we loved him and he loved us.

Dear Aaron,

I thought of you this morning as I was reading my scriptures. You would be happy about that, because now I know that you loved scriptures as well and tried to use them in your life also.  It was so nice to hear from people who really knew you and had strong relationships with you at your memorial.  You are so very loved because of how you lived your life. The last three funerals I have gone to, I went away thinking that I wish I had known them better, what a great person.  I am so grateful that I did know you, and I did feel of your love for me and Paul, but especially my children.  It was amazing to watch your excitement with Jackson journey toward Utah, and you had such a huge part in setting him on that path.  I will never forget the day you took a picture of Dani's first college letter and with joy posted it on your facebook.  We were benefactors of your love, concern and treated my kids like you were their greatest fan. It feels good to have people like you and genuinely be interested in you, and what a gift you have of making everyone in your company feel good about themselves.  

Like I said, I thought of you as I was reading in 2 Nephi this morning.  There were certain people in our church who were witnesses to the Golden Plates, from which the Book of Mormon was translated. They testified of the fact that they did see the plates and that the Lord instructed them to bear witness of that fact.  There was only one person who did not testify in writing and that was Mary Whitmer.  She was the mother of one of the men who testified in writing of seeing the plates.  She was taking care of her family, as well as the Prophet Joseph Smith and his family as he resided in her home to translate the plates.  She was weary from the task, but never complained and fulfilled her duties to do her part in the work.  One evening she was walking out to the barn to milk the cows and the angel Moroni appeared to her, and this is what he said, "You have been very faithful and diligent in your labors, but you are tired because of the increase of your toil; it is proper therefore that you should receive a witness that your faith may be strengthened."  He then showed her the plates.  What a gift for her to be given the surety that her labors were not in vain and that her work was significant.  In her day, there were very few that believed what Joseph Smith was doing, so it makes sense to me that an actual angel would appear to her.  But, today, I have many angels around me to strengthen my faith so that I may continue the work.  My family, my ward, my neighbors, YOU.  

You, Aaron were in angel in this life and I know that you continue to make a difference in the next.  Thank you for finding your gift and using it for good.  You have fought the good fight, I know that you did the work that the Father would have you do and now you have graduated to your next estate. Well done, brother.

I will keep in my heart G.O.A.T.

We'll love you long after your gone, gone, gone.

Until we meet again.

Aloha nui loa,

xo mp

P.S. I imagine you singing the song from Train, 

Sing Together

If I go before I say to everyone in my ballet
Let me take this chance to thank you for the dance
If I run out of songs to sing to take your mind off everything
Just smile, sit a while with the

Sun on your face and remember the place we met
Take a breath and soon I bet you'll see
Without you I would never be me
You are the leaves of my family tree

Sing together
If you knew me from the very start,
Or we met last week at the grocery mart
Just sing together
It's the least that I can do
My final gift to you
Oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oooo

When I'm past the pearly gate, I will find some real estate
Where we can settle down and watch the world go round
We'll send down all the love we got and let them know we got a spot
For them to be and it's all free,

The sun on your face and remember the place we met
Take a breath and soon I bet you'll see
Without you I would never be me
You are the leaves of my family tree

Sing together
If you knew me from the very start,
Or not at all you're still a part, just
Sing together
It's the least that I can do
My final gift to you

Aloha Nui Loa

It took me a 2 months to finish, but I finally did.  I have loved, loved, loved every moment that I spent reading Belonging to Heaven by Gale Sears.  I have never felt the spirit so strong and I have never found myself so connected to an individual through their story.  I am so very grateful for the time Gale took to so profoundly record the beautiful life of these Hawaiian ancestors that I claim as my own.  I know that Heaven is close, I know that the words in the story are true and I am so happy that I can share in their belief of Heaven, of God, of Christ, of a gospel that can bring us together as an eternal ohana. 

Aloha Jonathon Hawaii Napela,
I finished your story that Gale Sears so beautifully put into words of your journey toward Belonging to Heaven.  Thank you for your example of courage and faithfulness to Christ.  I know with all my heart that you are resting, actually teaching in paradise with your beloved Kitty and Panana, as well as your dear friend George Cannon (E ka haole! Oh the white man) and all of your posterity. You must have been so happy when you and Brother George were reunited after all those many years.  Did you go to walk the rainbow with him? I feel a special bond toward you and all that are in your story, as well as my own Makuna Kane, Norman Hoonani Kane,  and our Hawaiian ancestors.  You have done a great thing for the Hawaiian people and I know that my own Makuna Kane's  journey to Heaven is connected through your devotion to building the kingdom of God on the Hawaiian (Sandwich) Islands.  I need to tell you that I sobbed when you walked the rainbow, led by your sweet mother.  It testified to me the thinness of the veil and the closeness of those on the other side.  You chose the right path and left the center course.   I remember the day I made the same choice.  The way has been hard, but like Mikanele Cannon said, "There is no easy way in this.  Do you think life was easy for the Jeweish men who Jesus called to follow him?  Do you think it was easy for the fifteen-year-ole Joseph Smith to stand against the doctrine and preachers of the day?  Do you think it is easy for me to be here, far from home, eating potatoes, and struggling with the language?  Do you think it was easy for the Savior to carry his cross to Calvary? If you wish to belong to heaven,...there is no easy way."  (pp 160  Belonging to Heaven by Gale Sears)
Mahola Brother Jonathon.
I look forward to meeting you.
I only ask one thing from you, please open up the spiritual connections to helping me find my ohana that need temple work preformed, so that they may have the choice to begin their journey to Eternal Heaven.  "One Lord, one faith, one baptism." -George Q Cannon
May I serve with the same conviction, devotion, strength, patience and love that you did.
Aloha Nui Loa,
Michelle Pualani Kane-Barton

ps  My beloved is not of my faith,  do I yet have rougher seas to voyage through before he believes?

Come, come ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;
But with joy wend your way.
Though hard to you this journey may appear,
Grace shall be as your day.
'Tis better far for us to strive
Our useless cares from us to drive.
Do this, and joy your hearts will swell!
All is well!  All is well!

Good Cry, Great Inspiration

I have been wanting to see the movie, Les Miserable since it came out in 2012.  I have never seen the play and truthfully have never had the desire.  Finally, I rented it and started watching it in our so very awesome theatre room, with Sheryl and Dani.  Dani lasted 10 minutes and Sheryl for half. I loved everything about it, with exception of ALL the singing.  It would have been better for me if they had only sung the big ones and spoke in between.  I am sure Paul will never watch it, but I am going to try.  Flipping through the tele I found another version with Liam Niesson.  All talking, it was fair.  Too much talking.  Now, I want to see the broadway version.

Dear Jean Valjean,
I finally met you this week.  You are a wonderful man, or I mean you would be a wonderful man if you were a real person.   Your commitment to God was inspiring and help me to realize that I need to work at it every day, hour, minute. I loved to see when you were weak, and then found the strength to be strong and remain faithful to your promise. It was beautiful the way Fontine came to bring you back to Heaven and acknowledged what you did for her Cozet.  You gave your life to save a child of God. That is what we should all do, for are we all not brother's and sister's?
There are many Jean Valjean's in the world.  I think I have met a few.  I pray that I can live as you did and as they do.
xo mp

Sister of Mine

Years ago I wanted to write in my journal like I was writing a letter to someone.  I even wrote a few, the old fashioned way, paper-pencil type.  I know, so twentieth century, right?
Today I read some blogs of women across Utah who are part of the first LTYM Listen to Your Mother. I want to go with my close friends, my sisters.  The first person I thought that I would want to be with, is MOOOO_reen aka Maureen Ewell, aka Big Erin.
Reading all these fabulous women's blogs has inspired me to pick it back up again.
I am not sure how long it will last, but here I go;

This first letter is to you, dear sweet sister of mine;

Dear Big Erin,
This has been quite the journey you and I have taken the last 14 years, specifically the last two of them. I started it by putting my house on the market and then you went and rented yours and became a vagabond between Cali, Phoenix and PC.  Finally, we sold our house and moved to the big city and you are still moving around, dogs and all.  (shit dog)
So, you are back in town and I could call you, to tell you we have to go tho the LTYM thing tomorrow night.  You were sitting in your car with Charly outside of Little Erin's house listening to Shawn Hanidy.  So funny.  Too bad we are living in a time with car seats and regulations, or you would have just strapped a seat belt around little Charly and drove my way while you listened to that conservative radio guy, whom I like too.  But, it wasn't to be, the responsible Mo-Mo will not have anything go wrong on her watch.
I am excited for tomorrow.  You are coming to walk with me in my new walking spots, with my new walking sisters, Leslie and Julie.  It will be so great for you all to meet.  My old and new coming together.  aahhhhhhh. It better not rain. They are going to love you and probably be surprised at our age difference, which at times makes me smile to think that my bestie is around my mother's age.  Age is really just a number, right.
I want you to know that whenever anything good or bad happens in my life, or my families life, I have to call you.  You are the only person I gossip to, and I have kept the rule never to gossip about you.  Especially when my heart is heavy, I need to hear your voice and look forward to your words of comfort, cheer, direction and peace.  I think of you when I walk, when I go to church, when I am at the temple, or wondering what to fix for dinner and do I have all the ingredients, then remember that I can't pop over to Big Erin's for milk or peanuts or whatever. When Lander asks me about nba or nfl players, I always know that you would know the answers.  You always remind me to love the man, hate the behavior.  He has no idea what you have done for our marriage.  You are my go to woman!
It is a blessing to have an angel in my life. God, in his infinite wisdom and love made our paths cross, and for that I will be eternally grateful.  I love you dear sister of mine. Thank you for being such a wonderful blessing to me.
Come home soon.
xo
mp